Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Hey Everyone...Help me answer a ?
Okay so I'm planning on getting Medicade, or medicare and or/my parents insurance since I now can as I'm a full time student...and I really want some advice on this delimma I've found myself in. It's amazing how many times a day this thought seems to pop up as I take another advil for a headache or something. But here goes:
I'm gonna be straight up and completely honest, I have absolutely no reason to be writing this if what I'm about to say is made up or false. I am so sick of it I just have to do something about it, even if it is just start with a blog.
I might be a huge wimp, I might have a "low threshold to pain" as my mother would say, or maybe I really do deal with a lot, but I have a lot of issues with my body. Like...
I have excruciating daily pain in my right ear. For the longest time I didn't know what the pain was, and I would have long days of hopeless pain only to wake up the next day with the same amount of pain. Tylenol and advil are my best friends. I would ice my face, I would put organic ear drops in my ear, nothing relieved the pain. Last year at an ER visit for Dylan, I asked the doctor about my ear pain since I had no insurance and could he answer a question for me, and within 20 seconds of what I was saying, he said "You have TMJ." and so I remember being told once like when I was 11 or 12 years old that I had TMJ syndrome, but I can't remember why and I don't ever remember having any jaw symptoms really. But after I found that out, it made perfect sense as to why it hurt so bad everyday. Amazingly, I found a super busy-mom/fun woman named Jonna, at my church who spent the past however many years giving TMJ therapy treatments at a TMJ Specialist doctors, and she began to give me extremely painful, but productive treatements. Jonna told me that every TMJ doctor has had a few patients commit suicide from the pain of TMJ syndrome. Amazingly enough, this disorder is not covered by ANY insurance companies and isnt considered a pressing issue. I cry more than 5 times per week because of the pain. It makes me bitchy, it makes me snappy, and sometimes I cannot even eat because of the pain. I try not to talk about it too much because it just really depresses me to talk about it. But theres that, and then theres my shoulder. This may sound really petty at first but hear me out. A few months ago, I remember sneezing and feeling something snap or pull in my shoulder blade...I felt really sore for the first week after that, and I would put those really wonderful bengay icy hot whatever patches on my back, which seemed to really help. Well, when i started buying 2 boxes at a time, I knew I had really did something to my shoulder blade. It hurts to pick up Dylan, it hurts at night in my bed when I toss and turn, and it hurts at the worst times, especially when Im trying to walk out the door to go do some really important errand or something so murphy's lawish like that. Its freakin ridiculous, that mixed with my ear/jaw pain? Im a grumpy crab a lot of days. I feel sorry for my family. When I think I can't possibly have any more complaints, I have to go and add the fact that I have a huge ganglion cyst in my left hand/wrist, and have had it for years. It inflates and shrinks every so often but most of the time, it's huge and it hurts so incredibly bad to type, but especially to put pressure of any sort on the palm of my hand, like when Im sitting on the floor playing with Dylan, and then I push myself up, it feels like it will burst and I am always afraid of feeling the hot liquid running up my forearm. I could name off more things horribly wrong with me like how my sinuses collapse at night because a sinus surgery in 2005 went horribly wrong and now I can only breathe at night if i press open my sinuses with my hand, and then rest my head on top of my hand so that I don't move my hand in my sleep, or how I cannot go shopping for more than 2-3 hours, or walking around town, or at a street fair or school, without my right knee swelling up or getting inflamed red and hurt so much that I cannot walk. Honestly, I may not have a terminal illness or even just a really embarassing disorder that's visible right when you look at me, but physically, my life is hell! I don't expect any doctor to know what to say after hearing all that. I feel so lousy about explaining this to him or her....like they wouldn't believe me or that i was a hypocondriact. I guess I wanna know what you guys would think an appropriate way about going and explaining this to a doctor would be...I'm so frustrated that they won't understand me and won't address all of the issues. I mean I wouldn't mind doing one at a time but trying to pick which one first is difficult. But anyway, that's all I really have to say. Let me know what you guys think.
Ames
I'm gonna be straight up and completely honest, I have absolutely no reason to be writing this if what I'm about to say is made up or false. I am so sick of it I just have to do something about it, even if it is just start with a blog.
I might be a huge wimp, I might have a "low threshold to pain" as my mother would say, or maybe I really do deal with a lot, but I have a lot of issues with my body. Like...
I have excruciating daily pain in my right ear. For the longest time I didn't know what the pain was, and I would have long days of hopeless pain only to wake up the next day with the same amount of pain. Tylenol and advil are my best friends. I would ice my face, I would put organic ear drops in my ear, nothing relieved the pain. Last year at an ER visit for Dylan, I asked the doctor about my ear pain since I had no insurance and could he answer a question for me, and within 20 seconds of what I was saying, he said "You have TMJ." and so I remember being told once like when I was 11 or 12 years old that I had TMJ syndrome, but I can't remember why and I don't ever remember having any jaw symptoms really. But after I found that out, it made perfect sense as to why it hurt so bad everyday. Amazingly, I found a super busy-mom/fun woman named Jonna, at my church who spent the past however many years giving TMJ therapy treatments at a TMJ Specialist doctors, and she began to give me extremely painful, but productive treatements. Jonna told me that every TMJ doctor has had a few patients commit suicide from the pain of TMJ syndrome. Amazingly enough, this disorder is not covered by ANY insurance companies and isnt considered a pressing issue. I cry more than 5 times per week because of the pain. It makes me bitchy, it makes me snappy, and sometimes I cannot even eat because of the pain. I try not to talk about it too much because it just really depresses me to talk about it. But theres that, and then theres my shoulder. This may sound really petty at first but hear me out. A few months ago, I remember sneezing and feeling something snap or pull in my shoulder blade...I felt really sore for the first week after that, and I would put those really wonderful bengay icy hot whatever patches on my back, which seemed to really help. Well, when i started buying 2 boxes at a time, I knew I had really did something to my shoulder blade. It hurts to pick up Dylan, it hurts at night in my bed when I toss and turn, and it hurts at the worst times, especially when Im trying to walk out the door to go do some really important errand or something so murphy's lawish like that. Its freakin ridiculous, that mixed with my ear/jaw pain? Im a grumpy crab a lot of days. I feel sorry for my family. When I think I can't possibly have any more complaints, I have to go and add the fact that I have a huge ganglion cyst in my left hand/wrist, and have had it for years. It inflates and shrinks every so often but most of the time, it's huge and it hurts so incredibly bad to type, but especially to put pressure of any sort on the palm of my hand, like when Im sitting on the floor playing with Dylan, and then I push myself up, it feels like it will burst and I am always afraid of feeling the hot liquid running up my forearm. I could name off more things horribly wrong with me like how my sinuses collapse at night because a sinus surgery in 2005 went horribly wrong and now I can only breathe at night if i press open my sinuses with my hand, and then rest my head on top of my hand so that I don't move my hand in my sleep, or how I cannot go shopping for more than 2-3 hours, or walking around town, or at a street fair or school, without my right knee swelling up or getting inflamed red and hurt so much that I cannot walk. Honestly, I may not have a terminal illness or even just a really embarassing disorder that's visible right when you look at me, but physically, my life is hell! I don't expect any doctor to know what to say after hearing all that. I feel so lousy about explaining this to him or her....like they wouldn't believe me or that i was a hypocondriact. I guess I wanna know what you guys would think an appropriate way about going and explaining this to a doctor would be...I'm so frustrated that they won't understand me and won't address all of the issues. I mean I wouldn't mind doing one at a time but trying to pick which one first is difficult. But anyway, that's all I really have to say. Let me know what you guys think.
Ames
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
YAY!
Courtesy of Grams & Gramps, I have a newwwwwwwwwww pink Dell Laptop on it's way to meeeeeeeeeeeeeee (perks of going back to college!!) Woo hoo!!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Friday, July 31, 2009
it's a good thing to wait till you have a lot to say to make a new blog.
well, while i wait for my ever faithful tylenol pm to kick in, i think i'll rant and rave a little bit.
Rave: made a super cool new necklace deal tonight, I'm really really really into statement necklaces...like on bionicunicorns etsy she says (and i absolutely think she stole this out of my mouth) "Jewelry is the most satisfying art form available to me. When you wear a piece of jewelry, everyone you pass by that day sees it and they get to see a part of who you are." It's so true. Wear a great necklace and you will be remembered for it.
On another statement necklace note, I just found probably the most amazing necklace I've ever seen, seriously... It's by Etsy artist "Bendywho" and here she goes:
Says its a girlscout necklace but whatevs I love it all the same!
Rant: theres something stuck under my shift key and it's driving me mad. I'm learning how to use this other shift key on the right that's really quite handy!
Rave: I just made a really really cool floral statement necklace that I'm definitely gonna try out on the town a few times before (If ever) I decide to list it.
Rant: IMYOURPRESENT SUCKS A BIG FAT ONE but Im not allowed to say why.
okay i have a major headache, ugggh talk later...
Rave: made a super cool new necklace deal tonight, I'm really really really into statement necklaces...like on bionicunicorns etsy she says (and i absolutely think she stole this out of my mouth) "Jewelry is the most satisfying art form available to me. When you wear a piece of jewelry, everyone you pass by that day sees it and they get to see a part of who you are." It's so true. Wear a great necklace and you will be remembered for it.
On another statement necklace note, I just found probably the most amazing necklace I've ever seen, seriously... It's by Etsy artist "Bendywho" and here she goes:
Says its a girlscout necklace but whatevs I love it all the same!
Rant: theres something stuck under my shift key and it's driving me mad. I'm learning how to use this other shift key on the right that's really quite handy!
Rave: I just made a really really cool floral statement necklace that I'm definitely gonna try out on the town a few times before (If ever) I decide to list it.
Rant: IMYOURPRESENT SUCKS A BIG FAT ONE but Im not allowed to say why.
okay i have a major headache, ugggh talk later...
Monday, July 27, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
I mean, Really?
IM HOT and im cleaning my room and putting laundry away and I hate doing thissssssssssssss ughhhhhh....
I'm sweating like a slave.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Californication
I'm calling this my summer of longing for California. I'm thinking of getting a tattoo of an orange poppy on my foot. Whatchu think?
"Destruction leads to a very rough road but it also breeds creation and earthquakes are to a girl's guitar they're just another good vibration and tidal waves couldn't save the world from Californication"
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Goodness!
Well! It's been awhile since I've posted anything and not sure if anyone actually really reads this but maybe I should do it for my own good. It seems like I'm always trying to justify my blogging, haha. (btw I'm painting my nails between thoughts. If you want the BEST red nail polish with a perfect shine that doesn't necessarily need a top coat, try CoverGirl Boundless Color in red revolution, its absolutely perfect.) I think I should make a vow to post a blog every day for 2 weeks, if I can meet that, I'll do it for 30. And then we'll see. So starting with today...
For the past couple of months I've been talking to my best friend Sara every day, I love it. I can honestly say it helps me keep my sanity. We only usually talk through AIM but two nights ago we tried video chat! It was silly/fun but I feel like I'm just really socially awkward (Even with her and she's been my best friend since 7th grade!) because I'm not always around people, just my family. It's almost like I forget how to socialize with my mouth! When I am typing my thoughts flow so freely and I can communicate much easier, and more efficiently. I know I've been in this rutt before but I think my getting a job got me out of it. Lengthy periods of time away from hanging out with friends seems to make me socially retarded. I'm seriously all thumbs with my words and like...what to say next, etc. Awkward silences are my kryptonite. But luckily, Sara loves me and I love her and she understands :) Anyway...I look forward to talking to her every day/night and hearing updates on different topics we keep each other posted on, some of which are just freaking ridiculous, some are ridiculously funny, and others are really deep and important to both of us. We cover every facet of life I feel like, and best friends should be able to have that in a relationship I think! We talk about everything, including poop, health, God, spirituality, sex *or the sex we are definitely not having* to plans for future and retarded things like my random question phases "Sara, what do you think the first thing stars do when the get to their beach house?" and she ALWAYS makes me laugh by saying "Hmm I dunno, take a shit?" This is why we are best friends. I feel like we both bring a lot to the friendship too. I love to listen to what she has to say, and I can honestly say that there are very few people in my life who I truly and honestly care about what they have to say. Thats really defining of my charachter to say that but whatever, its true and i'm not hiding anything. I like talking to people I guess but Im genuinely interested in what she has to say and what the update with whatever or whoever is in her life. If you and your best friend do not provide this to each other, maybe you should think twice about who you call your best friend. Okay thats my bestie rant.
Well my left hand is painted, I suppose I should paint my right hand. A few updates for myself...
- Im not talking to Adam at all because I've decided to call it quits between us for good, since he is not willing to do anything it takes to be a family with Dylan and I.
- School is starting for me next month, I'm excited about that, Im trying to make myself as much jewelry as I can! haha Im a fiend!
-Faye and I are becoming friends too over AIM which is nice! she is fun to talk to and she makes me feel super great about myself. Not to mention she has been sending me the most loaded and amazing care packages from London and such! My best customer AND she sends me things I don't deserve. Her reason? "You are so generous with your customers, you deserve to get a few little things yourself!" How amazing is that? <3
-Not too jewelry inspired right now. Maybe depression sort of eats inspiration like a big fish and a little fish. Maybe I need to find a happy shark to eat all the fishes.
Enough metaphors on crack, ciao!
P.S. I really freaking want this shirt !!!!!!!!!!!!! Sara and I really want all of these shirts, but hell, they might as well be 10Gs each at this point.
Monday, June 15, 2009
New Line Ideas
Okay so I'm thinking of new themes for new lines, not sure which ones I want to submit to regencies yet but I'm getting super discouraged. All of my ideas are mixing together in my head and I'm having a really hard time sorting them out. I literally go to bed with ideas for bracelets and necklaces in my head and I of course forget them by time I wake up...Some really good ones I don't. Anyway, here's my titles:
Mint Car
Girls love Lace & Bows
Neon Pool Party
and thats sorta all I got so far. Letcha know when more comes afloat.
Ames
Mint Car
Girls love Lace & Bows
Neon Pool Party
and thats sorta all I got so far. Letcha know when more comes afloat.
Ames
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Oops!
Its been awhile since I've posted a blog. Today I am going uptown with Dylan and my mom.
Guess what? Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson are coming to my city on July 29th! Im sooo excited! I will have to take Dylan and take pictures, what a great one to add to an album for him.
I'll be designing my new line within the next month, based off of two songs by the cure and of course kawaii goodness.
"Out of this world" and "Mint Car". Listen, you will love and adore!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Oh Today
I don't have a lot to say. Except I'm tired and I forgot what I was gonna write about?? Im irritated because I cant figure out why when I click on "add gadget" it takes me to a screen that does a lot of stuff, but not one of them is adding a gadget. blah. Just wanna say that all this stuff happening to Earth (mother nature) freaks me out and makes me stress out. I just have a feeling that my poor son will be living under a rock by time he's my age. I wanna post pictures of cool closets now to make me happy, so i will.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Chicken Head Ho.
Yea for anyone who reads my tweets knows how irritated I am tonite for a few reasons. First of all, we have 2 computers in this house. One of them has a virus, and I know why, but I won't say. Seeing that I used to be a Geek Squad agent, I'm of course expected to fix it. Well theres a few problems with that to begin with, A. theres about sixty seven bajillion photos and documents on it that need to be transfered to this laptop using 4 different memory cards since we dont have one huge one or an external harddrive. I would have uploaded them all to a hosting site except the virus wont let us do anything in IE. So Im sick of computers.
SECONDLY AND I JUST WANNA SCREAM THIS....but I wont...I will choose to be graceful about this...One of my old friends and business partners has absolutely zero creativity inside of her and chooses to copy me so much, that it's almost like a statement screaming in my face "I dont give a rats arse what you have in your shop, I like it, I want it, i wish I was you and so Im going to make it and put it in my shop." okay whatever do it, my sales put hers to same and thats not even being boastful, thats simply stating facts. ALSO, she has some new girl in the pics ive never seen before which I think is hilarious because she's actually pretty. The girl is I mean. Probably because she's really insecure about herself and realizes that all the items with her in the pictures don't sell. Enough.
I'll end on this note....
I'm so 3008, she so 2000 n LATE!
SECONDLY AND I JUST WANNA SCREAM THIS....but I wont...I will choose to be graceful about this...One of my old friends and business partners has absolutely zero creativity inside of her and chooses to copy me so much, that it's almost like a statement screaming in my face "I dont give a rats arse what you have in your shop, I like it, I want it, i wish I was you and so Im going to make it and put it in my shop." okay whatever do it, my sales put hers to same and thats not even being boastful, thats simply stating facts. ALSO, she has some new girl in the pics ive never seen before which I think is hilarious because she's actually pretty. The girl is I mean. Probably because she's really insecure about herself and realizes that all the items with her in the pictures don't sell. Enough.
I'll end on this note....
I'm so 3008, she so 2000 n LATE!
Friday, April 24, 2009
FUNK
Well I woke up this morning after a really strange night. Lately I've been having these crazy dreams that I'm stuck in a really foreign and far away place, and I have no way of getting home. The other night I dreamt that I was in a polynesian market with an old man and I was trying to buy provisions to live off of (but go figure) I didnt have enough money in my paypal account. LOL. I dunno they're really strange and analyze all you want but objects mean different things to different people.
Woke up to my mom bringing me dunkin doughnuts vanilla chai and a ham n cheese croissant. Breakfast in bed, I never thought I'd see the day.
I wake up thinking of Chicago every morning. My heart is tugging my thoughts there. Dosen't my heart know that moving is so difficult and expensive? I've lived in 3 states on three different oceans in three different times zones in the past year. Why does my heart do this?
Consider me a gypsy, consider me a nomad. Nothing ever suits me and I am forever changing. Will I ever find a resting point?
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Change of Mood
Okay I feel like that last post was a little bit deep, now for something light hearted. My Vintage Ice Cream Shop Wall Scone on sale at www.sparklerocks.etsy.com 10$ Check it...
My Anthem
What I'm searching for to tell it straight, I'm trying to build a wall
Walking by myself down avenues that reek of time to kill
If you see me keep going, be a pass by waver
Build me up, bring me down just leave me out you name dropper
Stop trying to catch my eye I see you good, you forced faker
Just make it easy
You're my enemy you fast talker
Chorus:I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up
If I could stand up mean for the things that I believe
What am I here for I left my home to disappear is all
I'm here for myself, Not to know you. I don't need no one else
Fit in so good the hope is that you cannot see me later
You don't know me, I am an introvert an excavator
I'm duckin' out for now, a face in dodgy elevators
Creep up, and suddenlyI found myself an innovator
Chorus.
Change, change, change, I want to get up out of my skin
tell you what if I can shake it
I'm 'a make this something worth dreaming of
Stumped
I always have the best ideas for things I'm not good at. Like a story for a book. I just had this random thought about how much I'd love to be someone only one person could see, to keep them company and be their muse. Like Anthony Kiedis. Wonder how that would affect his psyche.
First.
I think this took me like 2 hours to make. I'm usually pretty computer literate but today I feel like a newb. I have to pee and I cant figure out how to find my friends I wanna follow, POOP. If I "follow" you then obviously I figured it out. As for today, I'm irritated that Etsy is randomly down for maintenence!! I'm having to be all over other websites for a fix. I know Im a NetiZen, thanks to BlakeNetizen I now know what that is. LOL.
Pic for today... Bento Box Lunch Necklace....12$ www.SparkleRocks.Etsy.Com LOVE!
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